Wednesday, September 16, 2020

I Want a Time Out Just for a Day, If Only I Could...

I'm literally tired and exhausted this week. I dunno if it's a 'supermom' thing or something's really going on inside my body. Yeah, few years ago, small cysts on my liver and kidney were detected. It was too small to be seen, however, years had passed and the cysts in my liver kept growing. My doctor told me that while my cyst is getting bigger, it still functions normally well. So, I'll just have to have an X-ray monitoring every now and then. It is said that my cyst is hereditary and not related to what I ate. But still, it bothers me coz I can already feel the heaviness in my tummy :-(

Then a year later, I felt something in my throat. My EENT told me that I already had a chronic pharyngitis but not much to worry because it was secondary to my rhinitis. All I need is to do was use the nasal spray that he prescribed and take some antihistamine so that I could sleep well at night. This  probably what triggers my vertigo. Yeah, I had it since 2015 I guess.

So, just recently I had all these things going on with me like I have an upset stomach, I had a terrible migraine and my throat is bothering me and I feel so tired most of the time. I don't have a fever, don't have a cough and not even had a diarrhea. I just don't feel fine.

I told my hubby but he kept hearing me over this every so often about this so I guess he thought it's just one of those days. I so wanted to tell my mom but I didn't coz she might not be able to sleep thinking about my dilemma. Sometimes, she complained of not being able to sleep thinking over my problems so I felt guilty of sharing that burden with her. There's also my mother in law who is just my neighbor but I avoid talking to her coz she won't stop talking about all the kind of illnesses that she had and often compare her illness to mine, as if we have the same symptoms. I can't share to my friends coz they also have other things to worry especially this time of pandemic, and other people might misinterpret my condition.

So I think I best share it here where I am free to talk and express what I feel inside.

I am exhausted. I wanted to rest. But I can't. Because I'm a mom. A stay at home mom. So, I am expected to get up early (no matter how tired or no matter what I feel) to cook, to prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner. I am expected to clean the house, clean the bathroom and kept things in place but I recently neglected coz people here at home just kept making a mess and won't even to bother to fix their mess. It will just make them lazy if I do it for them all the time.

I understand it's my job and a lifetime FREE service but I'm so exhausted already, my mind and body often cannot take it. I've to take care of my mental health, too, which is very delicate these days. So, for others to easily judge people with mental health issues, I hope this won't happen to you in the future. It is not a joke and cannot be cured if all you do is ridicule or giving some unsolicited advice. Better just listen and just be there for them coz I think that would be enough to know that you care.

I've been avoiding social media these days, too, so that I can focus on myself and not abuse my eyes and my mind. There's no good news to read might as well do something else like helping my youngest child with her online school projects or review her lessons for upcoming tests. She's doing good, by the way, and that's one positive thing that I hold on to. I dunno how she would fare if no one's assisting her especially that she's a child with special needs. I'm just glad she's highly functional coz she could really catch up with their lessons, only that her speech is delayed, but has improved a lot lately. She's still enrolled in a regular class and I'm happy with the result of her online class coz she's so behave and very much focus on their lessons. I wish she will stay like this if they will go back to their campus when the pandemic is over.

Anyway, just sharing to you what my life had been this week and hoping to get fine very, very soon.

And yes, I need prayers. Let's pray each other for good health and for our safety, okay?

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