So many times I wanted to vent out my anger here but most of the time I ended up deleting it or not posting at all because I am always so concern of what others might think. Now, I do realize that this is all bullshit! It's like...I'm not allowed to be angry. It's like...I don't have the right to tell what I feel right now. It's like...I'm told to shut up always. But I realized it's also me who is allowing these because I don't want others to read me or to know about what I really feel inside and to make a fuzz about my life (as if it's interesting).
It's already been awhile that I felt so suffocated with everything that's been happening to my life. Worse, I've got no one to talk to because I don't know who to trust. I hate it when someone breaks my trust. When I say to keep my private life private yet they still share it to others, it makes me mad deep inside. A lot of them thought that I don't know anything, yet, they don't know I know everything. I am a very observant person. I can easily sense things so stop thinking like I'm a clueless dimwit!
I also hated the fact that I felt trap with my own prison. Shit, this would not have happen if I did not allow it. But because I was too naïve to listen to some stupid advices, this is what happen to me. I wish to go back in time and be that stubborn person who don't listen to others at all and make my own path but then I always allow others to influence me and then what happen?...I'm here in this place where everyone don't want to be. Shit!
I also hated the fact that if I also try to say something, it's like nobody's listening to me. As if I don't exist! Okay fine, whatever. Who am to you anyway? But if I say something important and still nobody listens...bullshit! I hated it so much because I am such a good listener. I listen when someone is telling me something. I listen to other people's woes and whatever they want me to hear. I also respect their wishes. But if I noticed that the person is not listening to me, the next time he/she talks to me, I will sure pretend that I am not listening to give them a dose of their own medicine. But shit, I can still hear them and that's another bullshit!
I'm full of shit today and I'm having more than enough of these. So many things I don't share because I don't like to share dirty linens but it's taking a toll on me. I'm the one suffering and not you and not them. And then it's still my loss, you see?
Well, here's this nobody ranting here who don't deserve to be happy and nobody cares to listen. May you all have a good life.
If you happen to stumble on my page, yes, this is the other side of me that you don't know. I ask you to show some respect. Because for sure, I didn't bother you at all.
Today I am just angry...