[I've been under a lot of stress lately that I feel like I am a walking zombie. For others who know nothing, I may appear as if I am okay or in the best health condition but deep inside I am a mess. I wanted to take a break for everything that I have been taking care of. I just want to treat myself, heal myself, and probably love myself a little bit.
One of the bad habits I've had was being a people-pleaser, which I now eliminate; another one was -by not saying NO right away. I wish I had the power to immediately say NO to others especially if I don't feel like it instead of dilly-dallying or weighing things over and over.]
I've made this draft👆 last Aug 23 but I wasn't able to finish it so it wasn't published. I had been invisible not only on my blog but also to most of my social media accounts. Often I posted some updates on my kids' activities but that was it.
Yes, I had some health issues the past months and I had been seeing different doctors, had a lot of laboratories and I still had some labs that needs to be repeated. Some results were not good that I decided to give myself a break to focus on my health, hoping that I would feel better in the coming days.
The lab results actually almost take a tool on me, I got so down and depressed that I questioned everything the mere fact that I need to take care one of my daughters who is on a spectrum. I woke up everyday tired, dizzy, over-fatigue, feeling sick and felt something's wrong with my internal organs. But my daughter was also the reason that why I need to help myself and to fight the battle I was facing. I. NEED. TO. GET. BETTER. even when my laboratories says otherwise.
Because of this, I formally stepped down as an officer in one organization I was affiliated. I also found someone who would watched over my daughter during lunchtime and after school because I felt dizzy most of the time I might collapse at her school (God forbid!). I also avoided social media or if I logged in, I only choose to read a few or just to get update from messenger then logged out. I also do not entertain people trying to bring me down especially if they contributed nothing but a mess to my life. I only focused to people who mattered most and those who stood by me thru thick and then.
I was also open to listen to some suggestions of the people who was concern of my well-being. Somehow, they made me feel better.
A lot of you may not understand me because it was like I built a thick wall for others not to penetrate my safe haven. Maybe I have trust issues or may be I am not just ready to divulge everything. But I appreciate others who patiently waited for me to open up, and I appreciate those who are just there but never tried to pry my privacy 💓 - November 10, 2023
It's already December and I still haven't posted this, lol. I ran out of words, forgot what was I about to say after so many delays.
I guess I gotta post this even though I know I still have a lot to say. So many activities to attend to, not purely mine but my kids' and momma's gonna be there for them.