Friday, September 24, 2021

Do It For Yourself

Been on FB break again coz I believe that whatever is good for my soul, I have to do it. While Facebook updates me or reconnects me with my relatives and friends (especially during pandemic), it also messes up with my mental health.

I used to be so concern with what other people would say if ever I go M.I.A on Fb, but lately, I tried to put myself first before anything else. I do not care anymore what others would think, and I don't need validation from anyone. But, I do not need to uninstall or deactivate my account, I just don't have to login.

However, I have to admit I logged in on rare times since I am a member of some groups which require me to posts important announcements on my social media accounts. So, that was all I did, I logged in, post the requirements then log out.

There are reasons why I am doing these. Inasmuch as I wanted to be updated with the news especially about the pandemic and what's going on around my surroundings, I am also easily affected with the sad news. And it makes me more sad if I know the people on the news. Death toll related to COVID-19 just kept on rising and a lot of my friends post lighted candles on their walls which makes me even more worried. Global pandemic had never slowed down in different parts of the world, news about the extremists and violence rose up here and there. There were also those who took their own lives due to depression and others just kept on ranting on their walls just because they feel like they have to...honestly, these kind of things were too much to for me to read. I do not think I need to know all so for my own sake, I decided to lie-low on FB for over a month now.

From time to time, I am also battling with my own mental health but I am just glad that my kids kept me going. I'm tired and weary but I have to keep going and staying away from social media was one of the best decisions I've made lately. 

I am only visible in Messenger for emergency reasons and also on Instagram, because it's less toxic there, and all I see are beautiful pictures and it puts a smile on my face... and that's what I need.

I used to reach out to some of my friends also even before pandemic, asking them of how they were and exchanged updates with our lives. However, I've noticed it was always me who to tried to reach out to them. And when I was silent or was in my lowest moments, nobody even bothered to call or message me. Some friends, huh? So, now, I don't do the first move anymore. And it just got me thinking, perhaps they will only remember me if something happen to me (God forbid!).

Another lesson I learned these days is never to always agree to the person who thought they did the right thing, just to make them feel better. Because when it's your turn, they would just belittle you and make you feel that they are superior. I am done with these kinds of sh*T. 

What actually surprises me are the people I talk rarely for years were the ones reaching and checking me out these days. They were my childhood friends who I lose contact because of their busy lives. The other day, I got a message from my college friend. She just check how I was and that was all. But I appreciated so much her gesture. These are the people who are worth keeping.

Anyways, just sharing my sentiments. I am slowly trying to be visible but in my own pace and not tried not to be dictated by the society who think that being too vocal about anything makes one a better person. As if your opinion is always right, right? It's also a waste of my time arguing to people who don't listen at all or never tried to put themselves in somebody else's shoes.

Well, in case someone stumble on my blog and read this post, now you know what's inside my head lately. I have so much to say but well, as long as I can still hold them, I will just have to share them when I feel like it. This is it for now.

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